Bridal Shower Review

So, I know I said I wanted to write a blog for every day in April, but I am experiencing a period of low-even-for-me self esteem currently, and I kind of hate everything that comes out of my mouth and fingers, so most of my posts were deleted shortly before or after publication. I guess also I am more comfortable with failure than success because it's what I'm used to, and if I ever actually accomplished a goal, it might cause me to have some kind of identity crisis, possibly followed by a dissociative fugue, and all resulting in me wandering the streets in a homemade gladiator outfit, occasionally pausing to curse people in Latin or eat things off the ground. Anyway, despite my fear of success (yes, that's what I will blame for all my failures from here on out), I am going to go public with this blog because I SPECIFICALLY said that on the sixth, I would write a play by play of Maryam's bridal shower, and, maybe one time out of ten, I am a woman of my word.

Anyone who points out that today is actually the seventh is a jerk.

The Bridal Shower (initial points = 0)

+1 point: Bridal shower is held very close to Cool River
-1 point: Bridal shower is held early in the day, prior to Cool River being open
-1 point: Bridal shower not catered by Cool River, even though it would have been SO easy
+1 point: Bryan actually in attendance at shower
+1 point: Bryan wearing spiffy pink shirt
+1 point: Maryam wearing pink dress that matched Bryan's shirt (I can only assume she planned her wardrobe to match his choices)
+1 point: Meal was saturated with cheese but also contained enough vegetables that I could convince myself it was healthy
+1 point: Cookies with frosting
+1 point: Cupcakes with frosting
-1 point: I think I gained five pounds in one sitting
-1 point: Maryam stating that Green Day and Coldplay are the same band
-1 point: Maryam stating that Green Day and Coldplay are the same band, even AFTER she and I were like front row center as Green Day played a two and a half hour set at Lollapalooza and I thought it was a magical experience we shared that would be etched in her memory forever, but, hey, maybe not, whatever
+1 point: Really pretty centerpieces at each table that were vases with flowers and lots of orange bead things in them
+1 point: Because my birthday was closest to Maryam and Bryan's wedding date, I won the centerpiece at my table
-1 point: I then had horrible visions of orange bead things filling my car, my apartment, and my cats' stomachs
+1 point: I gave the centerpiece away to someone hopefully less accident-prone who was enthralled by it, and therefore I accomplished my good deed for the day
+1 point: Maryam gave very touching thank you speech for the gifts
-1 point: None of the gifts was a new puppy

TOTAL POINTS: 4

Now, that may not seem like a lot, but you see, this works kind of like the stars assigned to movies where 4 is actually a pretty high rating, and unless your bridal shower earns the Cool River bonus or the new puppy bonus, you really can't hope to do a whole lot better than this.

If I made a mistake tallying up the points, anyone who points that out is a jerk.